i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
