dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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