Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
