I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
