omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize