she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My penis needs a shock collar
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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