Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
