Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
