Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
