Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
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This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
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Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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