just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
