Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
