My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
