I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Come on in and take your pants off
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
