Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
