Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
