there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
