moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
