Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
