You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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