I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
