You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
