he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
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you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
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Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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