how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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