i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
