How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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