Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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