butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
