never play flip cup with pint glasses
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
