I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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