ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
