i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
