the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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