I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We don't watch enough power rangers
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
