I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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