I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
