cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
