Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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