She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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