I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
