I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
