you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
