There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
