Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
