Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
