your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
