oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
