at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
