we have officially lost it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
