ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
