Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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