When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
