after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
