So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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