After last night, I could never be a politician.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
