I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Mom said you looked used
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
