May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
