I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Randomize
