I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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