every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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