Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
