My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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