gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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