I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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